MAFIA PIECE

I got a stressful job--I got long hours… and possible death and dismemberment. 

(An alleyway with a gate door that looks like a prison) Welcome to my office.  I chose it 'cause of the natural light, the cross-ventilation, and … it reminds me of college.  

I just had it decorated, p. 46 from that catalogue.  I had it done in “Mid To Late D Block.”   You like it?

Anyway, these guys…let's just say I went to college with them, all right?  

Except I didn’t go to a state school… I went to a Federal School. 

This one guy… He was never gonna graduate.  He was getting a PHD.

(take them to fish market site). When I was a kid I worked 12 hours a day here, I used to fall asleep on the desk under that window, listening to the sound of the waves of the East River lapping up against da docks—very soothing, you know that sound:  WOOSH! … WOOSH! … Every-now-and-then-there’d-be-a-body-THUD! 

It's very Zen.  Did you know, I’m a Buddhist?  Yeah, I don’t do hits no more.            

I need you to deliver an errand.

I just have a small legal disclaimer I’m gonna have to ask you to sign at this particular juncture.

This is just in case you get hit by a bus.  Do me a favor will ya’?  DON’T.  GET HIT.  BY A BUS.  That’s the last thing I need.  You laugh, but you’d be surprised how many people get hit by a bus.  Some of my best friends have been hit by a bus.  … At least, that’s what it said in the newspapers. 

Now, there’s 2 per page but you just sign one—you know why there’s 2 per page?  

Because my organization… is en-vir-on-ment-al-ly  con-sci-en-tious.               

We’re very proud, we’re goin’ green.  For Earth day. 

You’ve heard of the “Black Hand?”  Well, we merged with the “Green Thumb.”  It’s like a corporate acquisition.           

W’re gonna give you so much money you’re gonna be able to:

Go back to Little Rock and buy yourself a BIGGER rock.            

Go back to Philadelphia, buy a truckload a glue, fix da crack in da liberty bell, and sell it on ebay.           

Go back to Atlanta and buy yourself a peanut farm, or a peach farm, or whatever the hell it is you grow down there.

Go back to Ontario and buy yourself a herd of moose.  Meese?            Start your own prescription drug running business over the border.

Go back to Seattle and buy yourself a cup o coffee.  Go take over starbucks.

Go back to Portland and you’ll have so much money you can make it stop raining,.

Go back to the Bronx and take over Yonkers.                       

Go back to Jersey and build yourself an esplanade.           

Do something with Newark.   Beautify it--drop a bomb on it.           

Go back to Connecticut and buy yourself a house in New Canaan.

(Pointing out an old lady)

See that lady?  She is a vicious killer.  Last year she killed 17 people in 8 seconds… not with her cooking either.  She’s my hero.  I should say something.  GOOD TO SEE YOU’RE OUT, SWEETHEART!  I’VE ALWAYS ADMIRED YOUR WORK!...  YOU ARE THE BEST AT WHAT YOU DO!

Those are feds. (loudly, as though acting, but badly overdone while coughing, hands off envelope)  OH!! What terrible… alergies I got!   It must be da’ pollen or da’ ragweed in-this-part-of-da-country… not like Indiana, where I’M FROM! I didn’t bring my CLOR-TRIMITON!

(quietly)   Let’s get outta here.